REFLECTION…REJUVENATION
For 33 years, writing this date has had a significance equal to that of the birth of my daughter and the day I met Joel. Today I am 33 years sober.
Many of us start the beginning of each new year with resolutions, intentions, hopes and dreams. While it takes courage to begin anything, the test of courage is in the commitment to the ongoing journey; the sticking with it when doubts arise; the willingness to keep going when no-one is there to encourage or validate the effort.
Sometime last autumn, Joel and I committed to embarking on a creative collaboration with a couple 45+ years younger than us. We began the first stage of the project on 27th December and for the next 17 days we worked/played together from morning to night. Age became both remarkable and unimportant. Tantamount was our equally shared commitment to making something true; something that reflects our belief in the positive, in love, in the creative process, in the absurd, the hilarious, the painful; in life and our inevitable mortality.
I’ve always loved collaboration. I consider it to be humanity at its best. To truly collaborate one must let go of ego and open up fully to possibility; to be willing to trust what the other players bring to the table; to have the courage to question, and even disagree, without judgement; to be willing to admit to, and examine, the flaws in order to decide if it is necessary to do something over or perhaps incorporate the flaw in such a way that resonates with the truth of all endeavour.
For me, starting this new year with playmates was rich beyond words, but I will try. Since moving to Tuscany 8 years ago, I have written 2 novels and hundreds of essays. I’ve created a garden, made many drawings and, here and there, played piano. Although Joel has been my witness and supporter, I have done all these things alone, with hardly an echo out in the world. At times I’ve wanted to give up. So to have spent these last few weeks not only creating with others, but being daily validated and encouraged by them has been rejuvenating.
Our collaborators left 3 days ago and the let-down was instant, the immediate sense of isolation, compounded. But as I said at the start of this essay, beginnings are the easy part. Now comes the commitment to journey on; to give myself what they gave me: the belief in my capacity as a creative and wise old woman.
All of us need help and encouragement, more often than ego allows us to admit. I wouldn’t have become sober without the help of a friend and the support of AA. And without sobriety I wouldn’t have the life I’ve had these last 33 years. Yet what the last couple of weeks have also taught me is that as much as we need each other to be the wind beneath our wings, it is we who must do the flying…and only we, alone, can give ourselves the fullness of who we are.
We have all been on an extraordinary journey for almost two years now. Some of us have collaborated better than others. Certainly, most governments have failed in this regard; not only with their own citizens but globally. Their failure is a direct result of ego and greed. But we, too, must bear some responsibility. We are implicit collaborators in that we, too, suffer from ego and greed and the unconscious need for our governments to be responsible parents so we kids don’t have to grow up.
I realise this is a bigger topic, perhaps for a future essay, but for now, may I suggest that the art of growing up is in taking responsibility for one’s self and that seems to me to be a never-ending journey worth embarking upon. So, journey on, dear readers, and I’ll accompany you as often as possible
