VERB; TO TRY OR TO ATTEMPT
We are all limited in our understanding of each other. That’s a hard thing to admit, but it’s necessary if we really want to create love. Those of us who have the capacity must expand into the courage it takes to be honest, for honesty is the prerequisite for love.
I wrote that paragraph a few days ago. I’m not sure exactly what triggered it, although it feels that it had to do with politics; something I try not to get into when I write these essays. Oh, sure, I have a moan once in a while, usually about Boris and his cronies and certainly I’ve expressed my opinion with regard to the former president of the United States. Yet even that feels a little risky, presumptuous even; who am I to assume that everyone who reads me shares my political opinions. So I stay fairly mute on the subject, preferring to explore the ways in which the personal becomes universal.
It’s a fine line between prudence and avoidance. Certainly there are times when it is prudent to avoid certain subjects…timing is, after all, everything. But then there’s that uncomfortable line between avoidance and cowardice. Avoidance and cowardice are in great supply in the UK Conservative government at the moment. (If you are American just substitute Republican for Conservative.) I’m finding it deeply disturbing. The outright lying, the subterfuge, the dirty money, narcissism, greed, faux policy used as a smoke screen, the good old boys sticking together convinced they’ll win no matter what. But what, exactly, are they winning? And at what cost to the rest of us?
Just when you think Boris can’t go any lower and still not be ousted, he uses a Trumpian tactic, hurling a fake slur at Keir Starmer, the Opposition Labour Leader. Boris does this knowing full well that he is inciting fanatics who then, the very next day, hurl verbal and physical abuse at Starmer on the street. It’s painful to me that only a few months ago I clung to the belief that well, sure, my country has a crap PM and a cabinet of toadies, but at least it’s not corrupt. There goes that misconception.
But what is the link between the first paragraph of this essay and the subsequent political rant? Understanding, honesty, courage, love: qualities that are totally lacking in this government – and many others. How do we navigate that?
Yesterday, we were in Siena and stopped into one of our favourite cafes to get panini and go sit in the sunny campo to eat them. We were like happy kids. Unfortunately, our server was miserable and we judged her immediately. Then I said to Joel, wait a minute, who knows what’s going on in her life? What may have happened that morning? Relationship woes, illness, the loss of a loved one…? These judgements we toss out so easily, so liberally, about people we’ve never met, about whom we know nothing: e.g., “Look at him shoving French fries into his overweight body.” “Look what she’s wearing, does she not have a mirror?” We make these judgements countless times during the course of a day, smug in our superiority. Where is the line between such judgements and hurling racial slurs, misogyny…any and all discrimination? Where was understanding, never mind love and compassion when Boris referred to women wearing burkas as “letterboxes?” Why is it so much easier for humanity to degrade that which is “other,” rather than being curious about our differences?
I am at a total loss when it comes to understanding the current political crisis in my homeland. It’s not that I don’t understand the behavior of Boris et al., obviously it comes from a sense of privilege, superiority and outright greed for power and money. What I don’t understand is why it’s either being condoned or just ignored in the hope that someone else will take care of it.
I also understand that conspiracy theories, fanaticism, and discrimination are fear-based and that the greater the fear inhabiting a person, the greater is the need to validate their fear. So, while I don’t have the courage to engage with that (I have my own fears) I still can have a modicum of understanding and compassion and even some faint hope that honest discourse, along with the desire to understand others might slowly lead to change.
The trouble with negative energy is that is triggers negative response and round and round it goes. It takes courage and humility to break that cycle. I’m not pretending I have the courage to have a friendly chat with a violent conspiracy theorist just yet, but I do wish I’d found a way to reach out to that server; to have said some small thing that would have helped her look up and see me smile at her. I wonder when was the last time she was hugged?
Understanding, courage, honesty…it’s work. Understanding the ways in which we judge each other and why; having the courage to be honest about that and making amends where possible.…paving the way for love.
I know this isn’t a very coherent essay, in fact I’ve gone back and forth about whether to post it. In the end I’ve decided to have the courage to say, I’m struggling here with something that seems important. Maybe some of you would be interested in adding to this attempt. I welcome your honest thoughts.
With love,
Maggie