A FEATHER, A ROSE
December? How can it be? Didn’t the clock stop in March?
This time last year Joel and I were about to leave for London where we celebrated Christmas and New Year with family and friends. We did all the things we can no longer do: dinner parties, theatre, cinema, restaurants, the ballet, hugging and kissing and laughing mask-free. It seems a blink ago that we traipsed in our Wellies up to Parliament Hill on Hampstead Heath huddling with the masses to watch the fireworks over the River Thames, cheering the arrival of 2020; such a magical seeming number, its symmetry open-ended and full of promise.
Before beginning this essay I re-read the last one in which, as those of you read it may remember, I wrote about my philosophy for attaining personal evolution: The 3 A’s; awareness, acceptance, action. The reason I haven’t written sooner is because I’ve had difficultly in following my own advice. A couple of days after I last posted I received two rejections from publishers which, while no surprise, made moving into acceptance challenging and therefore action impossible. But the harder news was that someone close to the family has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
We are at the stage in life where news like this has our own mortality breathing down our necks. Once again we fall into measuring our existence, how we’ve spent it, how best to spend what is left of it. I found myself unable to accept how much time I’ve wasted not taking action. I feel embarrassed to be saying this but I am painfully aware of the many times I have not followed creative impulse. Hard to accept that after so many years of introspection I can still be my own worst enemy.
Yesterday morning I visited a dear artist friend in her studio. As neither of us is socializing these days we felt it okay to buy cappuccinos in the bar downstairs and bring them back up to her studio where we sat for two hours discussing the challenges of being women artists, living far from our families – she is from Montreal. But the differences between us are twofold: I live with my Joel; she lives alone. She shows up in her studio and creates work everyday. I haven’t done that for months. I tip my cap to her and take a feather from hers.
Talking about feathers, yesterday I received a beautiful card from another dear artist friend who lives alone in the wilds of Derbyshire, England. When I opened the card a feather fluttered to the floor. It is presently keeping company with the last rose from my garden, a fragrant blossom that also flew to earth, landing at my feet earlier in the day.
These two little gifts from nature made me think about their lives. I wondered what sort of bird, and is it still alive? I marveled at the rose that had defied the odds and pushed itself forward into December, awareness and acceptance no part of its existence, only action. The trajectory of these two things is miraculous. A feather drops from a bird in England, its flight seemingly ended, but no. It is saved by a friend and flies inside an envelope to me where is flutters to my feet, continuing its journey in a flight of my imagination.
The rose, alone amongst the leafless branches where in summer hundreds of other roses vied for attention. Yet it is this solitary, courageous blossom that gets my attention, flying to me as I gather firewood. I’m sure I gasped aloud before gathering it up like a newborn and pressing it, along with the rose, into the little journal in which I write my to-do lists.None of us know the true value of our lives anymore than we know what a new year will bring or how we will face new challenges. What we can do is accept that some days are better than others and allow ourselves to do the next best thing, without comparison or ambition because while life will dish out some shit it will also gift us little miracles…like this feather and the rose. Their short lives have touched mine and in so doing have reminded me that small actions sometimes carry great worth.
I’m attaching 2 links here to the 2 artists I have mentioned. If you’d like to be transported click here: www.mdelisle.com
If you’re still looking for affordable Christmas presents, or just want to experience a poetic soul visit: www.katekirkwood.com
Stay safe, stay positive, and stay in touch.
With love,
Maggie
