Amazing how a year can feel never-ending while time whizzes by. There were so many things I wanted to write about in the last couple of weeks and now I can’t remember a one of them; as if each day is its own dream that disappears upon waking. Since I last wrote Joel and I celebrated 30 years together...

and English friends came from their Umbrian home to stay with us for a few days, all of which I used as an excuse for not writing. But there’s another reason: I’m happy.

How do you write about happiness? Does one ever dare to when there is so much suffering? I am aware that people such as Joel and me are “privileged.” Yet there are times when I resent the guilt one is supposed to feel these days about being “privileged.” It tends to make me defensive and want to say, “Hey, I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth.” Yes, I know that being white and almost middle-class gives me opportunities that ethnic minorities do not have easy access to. But really, aren’t some of us allowed to feel good about what we’ve overcome and achieved? Does being a drop-out, a runaway, a dunk, a welfare recipient, a woman, who one day wakes up and takes responsibility for choices made and works hard for a better life…does that really count as privilege? Or can it be an example, an encouragement that anything is possible?

Although when we first moved to Europe 7 years ago we couldn’t have imagined all that we’ve experienced since, we did know that we were taking a leap of faith; that we would each be the other’s lone support; that we would have to struggle with a new language and customs and traditions totally alien to us. We came up with two mottos early on: 1) More fun now, known as MFN and 2) Make the most of what you have. The first motto has often eluded us; shit, as they say, happens, no matter where you are and we’ve had our share. But every time things got a bit too serious, when negativity threatened to take over, that motto would re-surface and we would recommit to turning things around. MFN might simply be just dropping everything and going to town for a gelato. Or saying “basta” to emails and laundry or some other self-imposed ‘should’ and laying in the sun for half an hour, or baking a cake, playing scrabble or watching comedy online. Since the summer MFN has consisted of daily games of ping-pong. We’re up to an hour a day now and the combination of improved dexterity, aerobic exercise and fits of giggles over ridiculous, unintended shots has put a light-hearted spirit into our lives. It is, in thirty years, the only thing that has succeeded in pulling Joel willingly away from his “work.”

The second motto, make the most of what you have, has truly come home to roost this year. I think of Arganti, a peasant man who died a few years ago. He lived in a humble house on the estate just up the hill from here where we taught and were married. Our friend Gianni talks of a couple of the visits he made to him. On one of them he took him a leather belt he’d made having noticed that Arganti held up his pants with a piece of cord. He thanked Gianni but refused the gift. The cord worked just fine. Another time he found Arganti sitting outside staring into space. Gianni asked what was he doing? “Looking,” he replied. Arganti’s material world was as basic as it gets: a bed, a table, a chair, a knife, a fork, a plate, a mug and one change of clothing. But his world was vast and he never lost sight of it; the seasons, the animals, the planting and harvest, that landscape, the light.

This year many of us are finding out that less is more and in so doing are enjoying and making the most of what we have. Shortly after we returned from 2 months of lockdown in London we realized that we have too much “stuff,” and that all we really have is right here. You can only use what you have today. And so it became a relatively easy decision to let go of what we are unable to use i.e., our London flat and the New York apartment of which only a small part is being used to house Joel’s studio. Although these places aren’t yet sold, the decision to let go of them is liberating. Now that we have accepted that “here” is what we have we are more grateful for it than ever before. And here’s another lesson for us: not only is it not necessary to own everything it is also not healthy to own what you don’t need or use. We don’t own our Tuscan home, we rent it. Yet by letting go of everything else and fully committing to being here we feel more at home than we ever did in any of the homes we owned. Perhaps this is why I’m so happy these days…life is becoming smaller, simpler and as a result we are making the most of what we have and having MFN.

Yes, I know, what we have is more than many. What we have is an old stone barn in the middle of a garden, surrounded by the Tuscan landscape; nature, beauty and serenity.

We got here through hard work, a bit of courage and the desire for MFN. And our nearby village daily reminds us that fame and wealth are not the avenues toward self-fulfillment. No one in our village is looking for their 15 minutes of fame. They already know their worth: each has an important role in keeping the community self-supporting; the butcher, the baker, the ironmonger, hairdresser, grocery shop, the little bars and cafes and so on.

One of the happiest days recently was with our visiting friends, Vanessa and Chris. We took them to meet our friend Jack and to show them his 12thcentury abbey where I had the joy of ringing the bells. Then we drove up to Montalcino and visited our friend Massimo where Vanessa bought four cushions.

We had planned on lunching at home, but on a whim opted for pizza which we ate on a stone bench overlooking a stupendous view. Vanessa whipped out her new cushions to save our bums from the cold stone. In the name of MFN, Chris and I went to the gelateria and brought back cones for the four of us and there we sat, in our 60’s, 70’s and 80’s, like teenagers.

Fun, happiness, gratitude and love. They are the must-haves, the qualities that will see us through these trying times.

For me it was a metaphor for love. The begonia had somehow come down from one of the town’s luxurious planters on the terrace above and rooted itself between two weeds as if to say, “We are all in this together.”

Stay safe and well and positive

with love, Maggie

MFN

ACCOUNTING FOR YOURSELF

SMALL COMFORT